Domestic Violence & Dennis Waterman | Plymouth Buzz

She made me do it ? Dennis Waterman and the blame culture of domestic violence

So, Dennis Waterman will admit in a forthcoming television interview with Piers Morgan that yes, he did indeed hit his former wife, Rula Lenska. Whilst he says he felt ?very, very ashamed by it? he justified his actions by stating ?if a woman is a bit of a power freak and determined to put you down, and if you?re not bright enough to do it with words, it can happen?. Ah, so if a woman has more intellect than a man, can actually win a verbal argument, the solution is to give her a bit of a slap? It is this reasoning that pushes women down, makes them lose their self-esteem. ?I made him do it ? if I hadn?t picked a fight, if I had cleaned the house properly, if I hadn?t had a drink? etcetera, etcetera. I should know; I?ve been there. Taken the punches. Again and again. And I hate to say, I have justified it. I felt it was somehow my fault; I had provoked the man I loved into hitting me.

Hopefully, when the programme airs, viewers will take Waterman?s spiel as the piffle it really is. The fact is, nobody, man or woman, deserves to be hit. It took a lot of telling by my friends to listen to their reasoning that he should have walked away before he hit me. Without going into the details, the arguments were usually about one particular aspect of our life, one which was never resolved, ending in me walking away some five years after we first met. The ending may have come anyway, in time, but the violence meant I was able to walk into the safety and security of a women?s refuge. I know I was one of the lucky ones, as spaces at refuges are limited, and if they had not had a place for me I don?t know what I would have done.

A 2001 survey stated that one in three women questioned in an Accident and Emergency Unit had suffered domestic violence. However this is a really grey area for statistics. I know in my own case the occasions of violence were numerous, yet there were only two or three occasions when the police were involved, and two when I received hospital treatment. But figures could be much greater, as, like in my case, incidents are not always reported, or medical treatment sought. How many never report violence but make it out of the relationship somehow. How many never make it out, just continue suffering?

When you love someone, and they become violent, you want to believe it?s a one-off. You justify the behaviour, place some of the blame on yourself. Because who could love a partner who was violent towards you? It must be your fault in some way, surely? The refuge I stayed in provided a course for residents called ?The Freedom Programme?. This enabled us to explore what an abusive relationship was; violence is not the only form of domestic abuse, controlling behaviour, emotional and financial abuse can all impact just as severely on a person. The support and advice I received enabled me to see, finally, that what had happened to me was wrong. It was not my fault, in any way. Yes, I will admit, sometimes I initiated arguments. But the end result did not have to be what it was. A partner can, and should, walk away before violence happens. I would urge anyone, male or female, who feels there is abuse in their relationship, whether physical or not, to seek help before, like me, they lose their self-esteem, their home, their family. Ultimately, some abusive relationships end in the loss of a life. Don?t let it get that far!

Useful links

National Women?s Aid 0808 2000 247

Victim Support: Free and confidential information, practical help and emotional support for anyone affected by domestic abuse (whether or not the police are involved) Tel: 0845 676 10 20

Plymouth Women?s Refuge: Provides access to safe emergency accommodation, Tel: 01752 562286 (not 24 hour) or 01752 252033. Mon to Fri 9.00am ? 5.00pm.

Answer phone outside of office hours. Email: pdas@sanctuary-housing.co.uk

Wendy Evans 2012

Source: http://www.plymbuzz.co.uk/this-is-plymouth/domestic-violence-dennis-waterman/

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